Achieving, Being careless, being tired this probably summarizes what happened the last week.
So where do i begin... How bout being tired. Basically monday started off with me and my group mates staying over in school to do our final year project done till about 6am and then sleeping till 730am for lessons. Tuesday was sort of an R&R day before Wednesday saw me running a 1500m race(I got second btw!) and then staying over in school and then sleeping till 10. So this brings me to being careless. I step into the bathroom beside the sports hall for a bath. Then i was eating lunch when i thought of calling my friend before i realised to my horror that my phone was not in the pocket which i left it in. Racing back like an idiot i soon understood that it was a futile effort after that idiot switched of my phone. This set me thinking of the poll which reader digest did on people returning the handphones to the rightful owner in singapore being the highest. At that time, this statistic only became bullshit.
Hence i headed home, heavy in the heart at being so stupid. Reaching home, i thought to cancel my line and stuff before i realised that i have carelessly left my house keys in the clubhouse. ARGH! Well, sums up careless right?
Okay, then there was friday in which i took my napfa. first few stations was like awesomely easy as i was the idiot who exercised everyday. 2.4 was also supposed to be a breeze. But during that time, i pulled my hamstring trying to get an 8min 30. So that stopped me from running my 10km new balance, and my 4x400m. Argh! Therefore, for me the whole of last week in my view was like a compilation of the most screwed up events in my life occuring in one solid week!
Oh well feeling ultra tired from this mess. So me thinks i'll be getting to sleep now. Night chaps! [=
- This is it. this is one's life in one week
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tagasjam- November 11th, 23:25
- Updating
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- tagasjam
- October 24th, 14:06
Yo! seems like almost a year since i have posted anything here, been pretty busy of late. A thousand apologies to those who were waiting for an update. Well life has been a big roller coaster for me the past three months and i guess in some ways i have matured in what a relationship means to me.
So where shall i begin? Guess i'll go with the standard thing that pops into my mind, WORK! Three things plagues my mind constantly about FYP, starting of school (Just Awesomely boring) and stuffs like that. Okay maybe not that much to write.
On another note i've been busying myself with outings with my friends and stuff and i've realised that by doing that, i've deserted the people that have stood closest to me which is my family. Always seems to me no matter how hard i try to love them or accomodate them, i can't seem to do it like i used too. Have it not been for A best friend of mine, (Bitch if your reading this i thank you deeply XD) i would have probably continued down the path of destruction. So now, i just try to lay back and try to get closer with my family as my mother is having some health problems of late. Otherwise nothing really on the downside has been happening of yet.
Next comes training. Over the last two weeks i have been recovering from a pulled hamstring. This has caused exceptional discomfort when i do running. The first week i couldn't even jog! But after several therapy visits to rosa of revenue house i have thus recovered and ran my nike plus human 10K race which is now causing me a great deal of discomfort via stomach cramps. So with this hopefully i've brought you up to date in my life and thus to all people out there who is finishing their third year of studies, give it ya best shot! :)
Highlights:
Mom's degrading health :[
Outings with friends :]
FYP AND SCHOOL X[
Cramps for 10K )x
Therapy :]
Final Semester in school (:
- Failure
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- tagasjam
- September 22nd, 2:34
The word failure is a word usually associated with sadness, regret, sorrow and basically anything that spells anti-happy. However, failure is not the end of things but instead it's the process of things. In a way it's true that meeting failure in the end would be painful for most people. But, look at the people who turned out sucessful. Many of them look back at their failure and laugh at it because they did not just ride through their failure, they enjoyed it! That's what counts the most.
In the past few days, i can safely say i have been through purgatory. Sleepless nights and all but finally, after much time everything to me seems to be falling into place. In all this time, i have let myself be forever brought down by failures, but thanks to several great people, i have realised that actually failure is meant to be part of the process and most of all be ENJOYED.
I have also realised that all this time failure has consistently brought my morale down to a point whereby my morals and consistency for work goes down to zero. This has caused my life to turn somewhat topsy turvy resulting in me hurting the feelings and hurting myself in the process.
So now it's time to set the record straight by learning sufficently from failures and i guess, having the guts to do it wrong in the first place! [= with this i hope this will give hope to people whose life has turned upside down.
- Sucky hols
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- tagasjam
- September 10th, 10:57
Ah... holidays the best part of being a student. Sadly, this is not so in my case will have to slug it out next monday to do my FYP. However for now till then it's relaxation time. And for that i have been guilty of having slept at 6am just to play need for speed undercover.
Moving on, Is it true that all good things really take time? Well, if so how much time do you need? And what if waiting for days, weeks, months and a year isn't enough? What is waiting for the good stuff turns into an obessision isn't that bad? oh wel i guess it's still wait and see.
Over the past few days, i've also realised that in life, to be sucessful is i think probably to be sure of what you want. And yes, being sure of what you want helps you in the sense that you never waiver no matter what obstacles try to stop you on your way to sucess.
Last but not least, i've also realised that i'm heavily reliant on people like having to constantly be needy and stuff. This irks me alot and i really want to have it the other way instead. Hence, instead of waiting for a miracle to happen, i guess i'm gonna have to be doing some stuff. So till next time, Adios! :)
Highlights:
Playing till 6 In the morning :D
Fyp =\
reliant on people =|
Waiting for good stuff to occur ?=|
- Just don't fit in anymore
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- tagasjam
- August 23rd, 22:59
Night falls now as i write this. Many thoughts have raced through my head these few days though. Looking back on the past few months i have realised what i am quietly turning into now, is a recluse. Like it or not i can't help it, no matter how hard i tried fighting from becoming one i am becoming one ultimately.
It first came with some big plan to become a more social and alpha male person. Guessed that failed which set me thinking to whether i can even get to what i ultimately worked for. In the end it turns out it is not that way and this to me is unfair in many ways. Even if i do somehow suceed, the sense of achievement is always somehow shortlived. Ah well, so i guess, to heck with it, i'm just gonna turn myself quiet which leads me to where i am today. An invisible face who can only dream of a miracle.
And after all this time, when i had left people to be sidelined like some bimbo do i realised what an ass i had become. And ya noe what they say, what goes around comes around. Seems to me now that i have become such a stranger, a weirdo, a creep to people i had known for so long. Somehow,it seems to me that there is this invisible wall of rules preventing me on how i can speak, react and etc. This is cause of the unexpected reactions i got from people.( These unexpected reactions were of course not so nice)
Anyway to wrap it all up, i can derive that i probably am gonna feel this way either for a long time or only for the period of this screwed up academic month.
Highlights of my life for now:
Being a recluse :|
Studying X(
POLY ACADEMIC LIFE XO
Doing things on my own |:
- Bored
-
- tagasjam
- August 18th, 23:27
Ever felt that life is like an endless loop? Kinda feels that way to me now with the way things are going. Feels like this, project, lab test, study, exam. At the end of the day i look back and feel tired of the sickening academic life SP has given me. Oh well, like life now is any better! So weird that i find my PSP more entertaining than hanging out with friends sometimes. Well seems like a mystery to me that now i find it awkard being around friends that i have known for years. The feeling is like not being able to fit in. Anyhow after all this exams and idiot academic life is over, i'm gonna try get me social life back on track. Even now when i'm writing this post i feel like i'm running outta words to write! Must have been those darn capacitance equations still stuck in my head ARGH!. Oh well i guess i'll just end here! Cya rnd!
- Personality changes
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- tagasjam
- July 17th, 21:55
Whew! Just finished my circuit and now my arms feel like lead weights! But Kinda feels good to be back in training and focus.
Today i visited sim lim with a classmate of mine and she and i were discussing loads on things on life and stuff which set me thinking to write this blog.
When is a personality change necessary? Is it when you start to lose yourself, or become someone better? What if this change is inappropriate at the right time and the right person?And if you change would you ever stop to become someone constant? These were the questions that ran through my head like a loop when i sat and watched a movie on the MRT. My perspective however, I have learnt that change in many ways is very awesome and it empowers an individual to be more confident of who he wants to be. However, I have also learnt it can be lethal when left unoticed as it can make a person to be so different that the individual starts to loose his normal way of life which may have been good for him. Last but not least it can also hurt the people around him meaning your friends and families.
My personal experience on this were numerous, Back then in secondary school, i used to always be the one who was 'bullied' and made fun of cos of me beign irritating. However, something snapped when i realised that the people around me just purely hated me for being in the shell i was stuck in. So i did the next best thing, i put unspoken rules on myself and prevented myself even from striking any conversations cos i lost all confidence of ever speaking up decently. But anyway came to poly and i thought that maybe if i remained my assertive self it might still work out. But strangely i never got any fun out of it. SO.... i jus became an irritating person all over again. Can say that it's got it's ups and downs. I sorta became like a class clown in both my track life and class life but the downside was that no one ever really took me seriously unless i went totally silent. My target however was to be a more open and fun loving but compassionate chap, this which i felt i grossly overtook it to become a total nutsack which people just protected their nutcases when i was around. After this 3 years or so in poly, i set my target to change my personality once again to someone who's more intellectual and hopefully i grant it is the almost final change i'll ever make.
To wrap up this blog, the word of advice i can give you if your looking for change? If it kills you that much then do it. But then again please know your limits and where you stand cos once it goes overboard it's just simply GAME OVER. Why do i say so? Cos i have seen people including myslef that went thru too drastic changes in characters and personalities that just simply ruined what may have been a good relationship.
- Focus & Movies
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- tagasjam
- July 14th, 0:03
What do you get when you bring two complete random things together? Maybe one of the best lessons in life you have on distraction and discipline. Apparently, in my case this was what it was. Let's start on movies first though.
Hmm movies,... To some they are two hours of a complete waste of their time and money. I would disagree to that though. Movies inspire change in people and also sometimes makes an individual believe he is not a statistic of society. However, the downfalls to believing this is obvious. If an individual chooses to believe in this too much, he can appear to what some might say being in denial of who he really is. Thing is, sometimes it's good to live in denial of the worst critics but its best to know what aspect of you must be changed and what aspects should not. Of late ever since i have found several sinful chinese websites to download them, i've been indulging myself ever since. This has also been one of the major causes of distraction right now in my life. But i would say it has been one of the best distractions ever though.(oops) Anyway, to me, movies has affected me into also thinking alot about life and how it relates to a single person. Take he's just not that into you for example, i feel that the movie relates very well to a certain group of irate and paranoid people who just find love difficult. Or the more sinister side of movies from the punisher where violence is shown as a rite of justice for a man who has seeked endless vengeance. To take the final cut on movies, i feel that they were there basically just to have people relate various stages in their life and their feelings to the on screen characters in the movie.
Now for focus, right now at this point of time, ever since year 2 started, i've realised that i have lost loads of focus on my academic. For whatever, reason i do not know. Even with the coaxing, nagging and encouragement of friends and families to focus on my studies, i find it a constant struggle just sitting down with a book in front of your face for a span of 4 hours. I remember this feeling distinctly when i was in secondary 1-3. I just felt that there were too many things i did not understand and couldn't relate to what i was learning. Even if i could relate it, i felt it was just pure monotonous and i would dream about the other jobs or dreams i could chase. How did i get to start mugging in secondary 4? Maybe it was the pressure and adrenaline of maybe not making it that enabled me to start focusing really seriously. Thus, during that time, i realised that most of the time i was hitting what i wanted to in terms of academic.Strangely, it did not seem so monotonous but instead felt more like a thrill of hitting the chapters given the time. I've tried giving myself that now too, but seems to me that i can't seem to achieve anything that i put a schedule on and try setting my mind to. Therefore, even when in the face of having everything go downwards, i can't seem to isolate myself to sit down and start focusing on my studies. Anyhow, i'm still not gonna give up though.Cos in the first place maybe i had not been trying hard enough. Hence with this post i set my mind on goin to the library to start my ardous journey to achieving sucess once more in my studies which is my FYP. Hence wish me lucks!=]
Highlights:
China Web Movies =D
Unable to focus =[
- Feels like a rotten week
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- tagasjam
- July 12th, 13:53
The first week of school? What can i say feels like crap for me. As usual many people would probably attribute it to the school work that just came on etc. etc. Mine is different though. Ever get the feeling that your life may have become so monotonous, meaningless that you almost just give up on everything. That now i was at that stage of still at that stage. It becomes so weird though, like everything bad i know comes down on me. Maybe it's just a passing phase like the up and downs of life kinda thing. But let me tell ya this is one of the worse i've ever felt. it's the indescriibable feeling of having some demon creep up on you till you feel all superstitious like maybe an object or something may have caused all these turn of events. And the thing is, it's so bad that i don't even feel like getting back up again. But i guess it takes time and now i feel i have to get back up the right way. So let's see Tutorials, FYP and projects. Gotta get goin. So cya guys around again!
Oh btw my week was like recieving less than average results and having to stay home most of the time and having done some training.
Highlights:
Less Than Average result =\
Training =|
low on social life ]=
Tutorials, Projects, FYP ]=
Total feeling= even more rotten
(SORRY I've been writing sad post but is the only time i spill my hearts out XD)
- Now i understand
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- tagasjam
- July 5th, 0:17
Yo Peeps yes MSTs are over and whew a short sigh of reielf for me. Well first of all Sincere apologies to the G-man yes i didn't understand what you were tryin to make me do but now i know aight? Ya know peeps sometimes when you feel that even with your best efforts the results you expected don't come to you? Based on the past 3 weeks i can safely say it maybe a scheme to get you going on the right path. (i know it sounds holy but bear with me).
Anyway a basic summary of my past 2weeks i have safely say it's been mixed. I've met several friends and got to know a somewhat more anchored sense of priority through this time. All this while i have felt, happy, mischievious, used, sad, angry, anxious and just pure psychotic. What a week right? Guess that's what happens when you got holidays and msts after. But anyway, i feel after i have set the record straight may i please ask that he let me get the other things in life straight for me aight? Okay peeps that's all. Gonna enjoy my time doin stuff that i do on my own that i like cya!
- Sidewinders and ups & downs of my life
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- tagasjam
- June 21st, 1:03
It's the 20th of june and damn i haven't even touch any studying yet. Oh well so might as well journal. Seems odd to me that i'm so lazy now. (like i was ever the most hardworking! XD) Hmm. Well simple update to my current week. BORING! Not much activities done though, a photo assignment more or less done i guess. No thanks to the help of a certain USER! XD.
Quite recently I've been thoughtful of usual.I look back in my life and i think, damn! To many social groups no matter how noisy or socially adaptable i try to get, i have always been reminded of as a sidewinder.What's a sidewinder u might be thinking. A sidewinder of course to us engineers is a missile carried on the side of fighter jets like the following one over here from wiki.
It's Function? Well to me basically is to complement a fighter jet. It saves the life of the jet in a way that it is used as an offensive weapon against another idiot on the other side whose in a similiar jet but with only a gun. Enough of the crap, so how does this relate to my life? One reason, i've always been the person who complements a group which means sometimes i'm like the 2nd or 3rd most important person in a group. Therefore, in terms of status i'm the kinda guy you are reminded of when you are reminded of the main guy or in my sense like the jet which controls me. It's not really that i'm being used but i feel in my life now that i am done being the side guy. I wanna be like a main guy! The guy that a party can't go without and a guy which can so crack jokes and make topics which gets people going. Let me assure you though that i'm not really in it for the status or anything. it's for a main reason. To be able to meet new people better. Yes i'm not afraid to admit it, in a way i.'m a totally social animal cause after all it's thru interaction that i achieve my main goal of understanding people. Hence, my aim of not trying to be the sidewinder anymore.
Okay, next thing i wanna blog about is also about my life. sitting in the bathtub having a swell of a time. i realised how of late or maybe cause i just realised that my life has been very up and down in terms of luck and it comes in view of 3 weeks. Eg. Good luck for 2 weeks bad luck for 3 weeks. I do not know why i see these kinds of patterns but to me it has become the worst and most irritating fuckup of my life as of now. I feel i rather have constant luck and not the kind that never brings you to the extreme that you feel the gods are swearing or smiling in your face. Thing is, it has become so irritating to a point that i'm paranoid that when something good happens something equally bad will happen.Hence i sigh to myself on why i have developed such a pattern. Oh well Guess we'll have to see if the god up there decides to do something about this. Okay that's it i guess the only mood you can describe that i am in is in a mood of anguish and frustration! >=[
- Alpha Male
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- tagasjam
- June 11th, 0:53
What is an alpha male to y'all people out there? Is he the handsome and hunky guy with the looks? The guy with the tricks up his sleeve? Or is he the guy with all the humour that never stops you from laughing. Well here's my definition on these guys, To me they are people that may possess one two or all if not more than what i have stated up there. He is the guy that controls the group's thinking, the life of a party but yet as well good on the one to one, heart to heart for some. I have known such guys but to tell you the truth and the one alpha male quality i think y'all agree with me, that is most important is being able to understand a group sociology. To do that, some are natural at it while others like me need help doing it and still after some help isn't able to be that person. Take my best friend manfred for example, He may not be the most handsome guy (I got to say he's a lil above average though) but he's the best guy when it comes to humouring and one of the close frens in my life i share my life's beans with. How does he do it? Beats me.
To all guys out there staring at this post wondering how can you ever be like these idiots relax. Cause after all, alpha males without people to support them may just turn out shrivelled and more wasted than you. Thus, a caution to all guys who try too hard to be alpha male and step on more toes than he can gain, just relax, let nature take it's course, cause sometimes, the smaller people are the ones that understand how these people feel better and thus be a very good heart to heart person instead. So to all girls please do look at the poor other smaller souls who have been the one ignored cause they may be the best people you turn too for heart advice!
My feelings towards alpha males are somewhat neutral as i have met all sorts of alpha people.(Espically nasty ones in my class) There are some after all that aren't afraid to step on supporters of them to boost their image and this to me cannot be tolerated if gone overboard! But to me the best alpha male is a kind of guy with a variety of skill sets but being the best among people, meaning to impress them in the right way with your smarts, humour and even your physical attributes at times. With this, i finish this post still wondering to myself if i may ever reach this stage so as to be able to have a deep understanding on the varieties of other people.
- Club night!
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- tagasjam
- June 7th, 22:36
How bad can one night and 5 guys and a club go wrong?!
Answer, EVERYTHING! As the story goes five chaps mainly me, gary and manfred and boon chuan met at bukit batok's macdonald's for our early dinner before we hit the clubs. We seemed a lil outta place though, 5 chaps dressed to the 9s surounded by a majority of uncles and etc. Thus, we quickly scooted out and took a swift mrt transport to city hall.
Upon reaching city hall, we were pumped as we thought that since we had people queueing we should get into butter factory pretty quick. HOW WRONG WERE WE! Peeking into one fullerton, we saw what seemed like the most ginormous queue in our lives! Like not only did it queue till the river, the queue in front was snaking with creeps! So much so for our night out at butter factory.
Hence an emergency plan was made to quickly move on to another club which in the end was double O. Soon we were in wif the guys that tried getting us into butter factory. Sad to say it involved another squeezy episode just to get some booze and mind you we had to pay that on top of the 30 bucks entrance fees. Thus we hit the dance floora and the groove was on to lady GAGA! Then i tried to get some people to dance wif me apparently it was an epic failure. Nonetheless, We still danced till 15mins later the song just came to an abrupt stop and then suddenly, Lovebug came on like wth! Who the hell ususe love bug for clubbing?! Screwup 1, Then some idiot guy wif some sunglasses came along and i wondered to myself man this guy must be kinda light shy or smth wearing that sunglass of his. That was till he stepped on my toes twice did i realise what a total fucktard he was and man did i screw him wif a glare and a middle finger! So screwup 2. Next came this spiderman like 40 year old man on steroids or smth. He just took to the stage and came to me and my group of five pals wif his ginourmously sweaty shirt. screwup 3. Oh well that was over and i thought well maybe the worse was over after some chick decided to try dance wif me. But i saw dear manfred on the side and not dancing and i thought he was feeling unwell so i stopped dancing for a lil but decided to continue on accord of how close she was geting to me. You could say the game was on till some idiot white polo tee guy came and tried to dance wif her. First he danced in front of her and she ignored him, then after that he came up beside her and she just scrammed as fast as an f-15 apparently annoyed at him. Well she wasn't the only one annoyed cos i like gave him the most contempous look for ruining my last hour in my club in which he just faced the speakers and tone deafed himself! Screwup 4.
Soon, after i stopped dancing and was begging to the guys to just bail out of the club. But instead they decidded to stay on and recount the screwups of the night which included some spastic chick who annoyed the guys wif her 70s dance.Thus with a resolution to have another clubbing night just before we finish our holidays, we parted ways and said our goodbyes. Hence my story ends here on how screwed up a clubbing night can get.
Highlights:
Macdonalds :)
Butter factory queue :(
Entrance fees :(
Idiot deejay :(
Sunglass dude (Fucked up)
Spiderman dude XD
Hot chick to dance wif :)
Idiot white polo guy X(
Chilling and discussing about a screwed up night :|
- In the swirl of life
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- tagasjam
- June 5th, 0:01
Yo! It's been quite a couple of days since i have been posting here! To summarise what i've been up to, well let's say that i have been extremely busy, reading up on my books, school projects, friends, training, competitions and the list goes on.
Anyway i've always wondered if it's possible to meet a new of the opposite sex person on let's say the mrt and after that not be considered as a weirdo to them. especially in singapore. For example let me give u a scenario.
Jansen: Hey may i ask you if this train is going towards city hall?
Girl: Yah.
Jansen: Anyway the name is jansen, where you headed?
So from here, given the average girl she would have probably thought omg when is this mrt ride gonna be over and crap like that. Hence, i wonder to myself now what would be the easiest ways to meet a stranger and avoid the scenario above? Well guess i got to do some catching up elsewhere... HAha! cya y'all soon =]
- Lazy
-
- tagasjam
- May 25th, 0:37
Hello again to all of your who has been reading this blog. Ah well, wad can i say i have had a hell of a week if not pretty fun after what happened last week. So the routine goes, Monday and tuesday was training as usual, all the fun and craps like that no thanks ti my track mates. Then was to wednesday where i did my project and boy oh boy did i feel lazy to even start on it.
However, once i got started it intrigued me to a point that i just drove on like i put all my effort into it. Thankfully, i met up wif my peeps gary and cheryl. We went to queensway first to get a pair of brown converse for myself! WOOTs! and i'm feeling ontop of the world! Ha! Then it was of to ikea where cheryl fondled with my gong's dslr (by the end of the outing i had almost 50 plus shots) . Then it was of to a late night at coffee bean where the both of them went insanely high playing solitaire on my laptop (Like whoever could get high on it?! maybe cos i everytime get stuck and stuff XD ) Then thurs was somewhat to me one of the most tiring days that ended with a fun but relaxed outing. I started out thursday all stressed and excited about my gems assignment. At City hall i started out with an insane like vigour. Smrt builfing, SNAP. Umbrellas, SNAP, Clock tower, SNAP. But thanks to these buldings too it was probably why i felt burnt out. I realised that by taking all these pictures it has really worn out my ability to capture nice shots. Hence, by the time i reached the esplanade i was more frustrated and tired instead of having that insane vigour i had at the start. Hell, I still took 4 shots to hand in to my gay lecturer. Met up with fanny who was just as ticklish as ever, laughing at everything including me! well the cuckoo she is... haha! Damn did she made my day better though i was tired. (More like an irritating sister at times though)
Dreaded friday, 8am class, and presentation. Luckily i fell sick though, haha! so i went to the clinic( HAD to QUeue for fagging one hour!) and had breakfast on my own. Kinda was a peaceful moment though, watching aunties and uncles go on their daily life(Sometime amusing and cute at the way they haggled at stores). Then it was of to a hectic home run which consisted of me madly doin up my report before a hasty photoshop and then rushing to school at 2pm ( Darn lecturers and their stupid systems of fairness). Then it was to an awaited dinner with someone. During this time, i realised we had gone back to the days we just met and it seemed to me that we had already started out on a completely whole new plate which relieved me totally. I hung out wif samuel next and we caught night at the museum 2 AND LAUGH WE DID! HAha. (Kinda dissapointed they did not have the full darth vader scene).
OOh then saturday came, the day i always rmb doin a 13.17 for my first 3km, then 14.05 and a horrendous 16.30 haha. sore thighs and calfs ensued and i was nearly overwhelmed my all these. thus, the rest of the day i ended up staying home to get some resting up. Kay i guess i shall end my post here. Kinda lazy to write my sunday activities too. Ha! CYA round guys!
Highlights:
New converse shoe (;
Better social life (:
Projects and boring school buds )x
Sick ):
Sore thighs):
New beginning :D
Night at the museum 2 :D
- Lost
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- tagasjam
- May 17th, 2:06
To all people who have been keeping up with my journal my sincere apologies for i have been through alot this entire week. In a nutshell my week involved being hit emotionally once and twice physically which i will explain. so apologies aside, let's get started on how i was hurt emotionally.
13th of may, it just started out like any other day, with me feeling on top of the world knowing that i would be meeting my crush again. Sigh.... What was suppose to be a happy day turned out otherwise. Even writing it now hurts so much but i guess that's what a journal is for right? Anyway hell began when i skipped lunch waiting for her to go with me to buy my storm pack which she said she would. Well she was tired and she overslept. That was fine, it wasn't really the first time anyway. Thus started my lonely journey to city hall which caused me to think evil thoughts of why she overslept like probably cause she ignoring me and not thinking about me as a good friend but after thinking much about it i pulled the plug on it after i realised how childish and stupid i have been. With resentment heavy in my heart, i bought my pack and went to meet her at clementi. The time was already 5pm by then i was totally in no mood to eat. Then she came along and i thought to myself, "Hey just overlook it and stuff like that maybe she might feel better." APPARENTLY SHE DIDN'T. So i did the only thing i could possibly do which was to provoke her. In that moment, my life just came tumbling down.
Funny how small actions can make such a big difference. After all it was the minor changes in me that affected our relationship to a point that it becomes unbearable. It's also strange to think that cause of this small quarrel it would just cause somebody to give up on you. Well apparently that made us give up on each other.Looking back on the past 6 months or so,i realised that what i was doing was too much, trying to push for the way of life i wanted to lead. Doin this is not bad, but as they say, do too much and wham! It hits you straight in the face.
Then came the hurting part of giving up on someone.It just felt like it was a breakup. Normal symptoms included feeling lost, feeling defeated and unwanted. Last but not least feeling that it was a waste that i couldn't make it what it was. As i sat in the bathroom thinking what i was gonna do, i decided that i was gonna try living my life normally. and man did i try. it went to the point that i busied myself with training, cooking meeting friends and planning track events. During these times, i felt relieved that it was sort of over as i have given up trying to push for a relationship with her. But In the end of the day, the bitter feelings of lost love still creep in to rip me back to the start.
In the end i'm left here exhausted thinkning why i was still feeling this way after being bitten 74 times by mozzies while i was lost and after i had been dunked in talcum powder on friday.
On a good note however, i would like to thank the person up there for giving me understanding and caring close friends who made me realise that it was better to realise it now. These group of people had also gave me things to be distracted on so as to lessen the hurt. At the end of the day, i guess it's only me who can pick myself up and get back on my feet to be able to carry on life as she is able to do so easily now.
Highlights:
Emotional Setback X(
74 mozzie bites XD
Talcum Powder treatment :D
Forgetting a lost love |:
Carrying on with life =\
- Wrong things at the wrong time and being almost there
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- tagasjam
- May 11th, 22:23
Hmm... interesting title huh? i hope it is otherwise... (nah kidding like i do anything). Yup i'm back again, for several reasons. First being that i sincerely apologise for the crappy past blog.(LIke anybody ever reads this blog) Can't blame if i was feeling rotten and inspiration hit a dead end right? Let's start anyway, =)
Doin one wrong thing at one time can unleash like an eternity of hell on you and doin right thing at the right time releases like a sense of euphoria like being high on meth. However, the line to doin these things is one thin line. Imagine if your mum and dad had not controlled that well, would you still be schooling? Would you still be who you are and not some fag who smokes in people's faces like mine when i'm bloody eating and enjoying some alone time?.I know this is a little way sided, but bear with me on this. Okay, take this experience of mine. I was just almost there to getting myself the perfect girlfriend if not for doing the wrong things at the wrong time. Which only causes me to sigh and tell myself that i was only almost there. Sometimes life's a bitch, they only show it that it is so close yet so far or almost there. Probably the reasons why many singer / song writers love to write such songs of being so close to what you wanted but being stopped at the last hurdle. (Can't say the same for these people cause they are already there by being able to achieve stardom and cash by having their song written for poor emo boys and girls out there like me).
Have no fear if you are one of them, cause to me there are probably two causes of why it happens. 1. You have already achieved what you already have but your high expectations tricks you into thinking you are still left behind. Or, It's cause you have done nothing about it and you probably thought you had done something about it. For me, it was both. All my life i realise that i am still like the scrouge in Charles Dicken's a christmas carol. A person who is never satisfied with what he has and blindly ask for more. Sigh.... Wonder why i still take my family for granted when to other people they are like the best thing that anyone can have.
Bottom line for you people. please appreciate what you have now else you may end up like me or probably like a certain person in my class who is never satisfied with even your best.
One last note, after reveiwing most of my journals i still feel it has some tweaking to do, hence, i think i shall change my writing style a little [ = cya on the next post!
Highlights:
Low inspiration =(
Singers and song writers creating almost there kinda songs =]
New direction in writing ?=|
- My day and Some stuff on life
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- tagasjam
- May 10th, 4:24
Heylo pple! or whichever persons are still reading this blog. Oh well i'm back after an absence of like 4 days. Reasons for this, let's just say i have been really really busy and really tired. Except for today which was like an uber relaxing day for me. Listing out my day, it was like:
Morning - Jogging on my own and breakfast with parents
Afternoon - Nap & Design of a landing gear
Evening - Out wif crush XD
Hope this sumarises my day for you =]
Now down to what i was here for. All my life i have always thought that it was the circumstances, events and people that caused me to be who i was and what i was. Only after today, did i realise that it was actually doing the right or wrong stuff at a time that really caused me to be who i am. It's really funny thinking back when my ex form tcher in secondary school, miss kit lee emphasised it so much but it only meant so little till today when it came hitting me in the face like a brick. Let's start with me doing stuff at the wrong time. i remember back in secondary school, when i just hit sec 3, I look back now and realise i was the total outcast at one point of time. Why? Easy to see why..... I just irritated the wrong people with the wrong way. Jokes and pranks which i thought were wacky and fun turned out more to be irritating and stupid. Only halfway through my secondary 3 did i learn that perhaps by quieting down, working hard and probably just shutting myself out for awhile could i redeem myself. Guess what? It worked! I realised that by relying on myself to be entertained and tolerating people did i manage to win more friends. But still i guess it was still too late judging from the group of classmates i hangout with now which is zero.
Hmm so well that's all folks... Inspiration to write more has just hit a dead end so all that i can say it's that it's to be continued..... Cya and have a happy belated Vesak day =]
- A short Tag
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- tagasjam
- May 6th, 0:53
Guess i couldn't control myself from coming here again. Just gonna be crappin about how crappy and fun my day was. Like all normal journals or blogs i guess. Do not want to get too philosophical too. Imagine preaching about life you never gonna lead. XD
School was as usual, you sleep, feel bored and sometimes be entertained during lessons. The emotions i just described, are perfectly what i felt, but all in all i felt supremely tired. Strangely, the boring lecture that i anticipated which was human factor turned out quite interesting, despite the guy who was teaching it. (Looked like a guy that was wholly precautious on stuff).
The clubhouse was my next destination which landed me some time for R&R at the end of school.(Exclusive of the pool i played during our long break). R&R in a sense that i totally let my hair down by being retarded with my close training mate. (Should have seen how bonkers we went). Then it was down to serious training and gosh did it turn out to make me seriously exhausted. Here's my training from 530-830pm:
Warm up on the field 3 rounds
Pullups
Stretching & Calisthenics
Accelerations
Jumping power
400mx4 (Avg of 62.333 secs) & 150x2(Avg of 21.5 secs)
Warmdown jog 2 rounds
Circuit exercises
(consisted of,
- pushups
- High knee lift on the spot
- Abdominals
- seated sprinting arm action
- jumps with tucks
- Jumping jacks
- High Knee lifts
- Touch squat touch up
- Lunges coordination
- burpees with a jump
& 2 more exercises i can't remember)
Yeah... Now you know who to join if u wanna get fit. After all this, we headed home and i had to hear all my track mates talk about their gfs. Big deal! oops. Then it was a quiet dinner and that was all. Of course i had as usual thought of loads of stuff to write here while i walked home, but today i'm just too tired after reading ahead for tomorrow's lesson which i was gonna skip. I was only here cos i was bored and cos i was backing up some data. sorry to keep it short but guess it's my blog so live with it MUAHAHA! K cya round!
Highlights:
Lessons |=
Pool and chill time at clubhouse =D
Tough training =) & =\
Alone time =]
Backing up data time =(
